BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN! 289

289. THIRD BEST IS SECOND BEST MINUS FIRST BEST + X

289. THIRD BEST IS SECOND BEST MINUS FIRST BEST + X

Nobody ever looked better playing third flugelhorn in a high school marching band than Lola Fandango, easily one of the most popular and attractive (in a philosophical sense) recent immigrants to the central coast. Just ask anyone who saw her play–she was so good that many listeners thought she must be second flugelhorn at the very least, and quite possibly first flugelhorn if some unforeseen and tragic accident had knocked off the other two flugelhorns and their understudies well before any other decent flugelhorns came along. But then, Lola had no need of a paying occupation since she was well paid for doing a poor job as Pete Hegseth’s stand-in daughter, in order to make people think that Pete wasn’t a total asshole (which, to be clear, even the lovely Lola Fandango had failed to do.)

“The best part about playing third flugelhorn,” Lola often confided to her accidental drinking buddy, Bob Johnson, at McClatchey’s on Marsh Street, “is that you don’t have to meet your ersatz dad every time he flies through San Luis Obispo on his way to the local Air Force Base to display his tattoos at keg parties. Or at least you wish all he did was show off his tattoos at keg parties since everything else he does goes to prove what a total asshole he is. Sorry, I wish I could think up a better third paragraph to come on the heels of my third flugelhorn, but I accidentally read the news today and oh boy. The best third paragraph I could come up with was this:

“What an asshole!”