BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN! 276

276. LAUNCH CODE

276. LAUNCH CODE

While seeking some sense of purpose in the daily three-paragraph story of his life, Bob has accepted an invitation to a family reunion at the Madonna Inn which will be attended by Bob’s estranged (from Bob) parents, Travis and Marjoree, and his estranged (from anybody who isn’t committed 100% to making successful high-quality (in terms of production values) and low quality (in terms of artistic meaning) Hollywood motion pictures, Darlene “the Rock” Verhoeven-Johnson, who paraglided into town just that morning with the latest director’s cut of Captain America: Brave New World clenched between her gleaming capped teeth. “This is the best version of this notable turkey which is grossing billions worldwide ever recut by the legendary AI genius and concept creator, Alicia Keys and the new found love of her life, KIT, the sentient super car. What’s especially pleasing is how she manages to make each director’s cut completely different from the one before, including entirely new dialogue, entirely new AI-manufactured cast members, and CGI special effects that only get increasingly explosive and diverting. So take that, Bob, it’s yours; and while you’re watching it in your miserable hovel of a life, just think about what a Johnson family member can help produce and distribute in the country while her good-for-nothing brother is sleeping on an army cot in the garage. And while we’re at it–hey, it’s Mom and Dad! You look almost as lovely as last week when you appeared at the premier of my latest motion picture production–the name of which I’ve conveniently forgotten! And sorry I didn’t bring you guys your own print of the director’s cut, but after all, you both have much better taste than my useless (but somehow endearing) brother. Now scoot over and let me squeeze my keister into these pink vinyl booth cushions. They sure love pink at the Madonna Inn, don’t they, Mom and Dad? And while we’re at it, order me a drink, and make that… a Pink Lady!”

Bob has no memory of accepting the invitation to this reunion dinner, but somehow he manages to show up just in time for the dessert course–Pink Champagne Cake and pink pistachio ice cream. He has to agree that his Mom and Dad look a lot better than they did the last time he saw them which was when? Another entire Trump Administration ago? You mean this is already another one? How the hell did they manage to make it through the first one? And the other question Bob has for everybody is this one: “You guys got together at a movie premier last week? Why didn’t someone invite me?”

But of course only Bob would ask a question to which he’d prefer not to hear the answer.