BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN! 275
275. FAILURE TO LAUNCH (ONESELF)
275. FAILURE TO LAUNCH (ONESELF)
Bob is suffering under the increasingly firm conclusion that–despite the unusually strenuous efforts (for him) towards taking control of his own three paragraph story–everything is slipping away from him, like a raft full of food dragged off on the same tides that just deposited Bob on the lonely arctic island of himself. (No, Bob doesn’t normally think in such poetic language, but something about his predicament has inspired him.) Day after day, he does little more than serve as an absent focus for the three paragraph stories of everybody else on the central coast besides himself. And he’s not entirely sure this is a good thing or a bad thing.
“I’m a much more interesting guy than these assembling three paragraph stories seem to suppose,” Bob complained to the boss of the only job he remembered he was expected to show up for–Wacky Peepers Illegal Cannabis and Supplies. Suzy Banshee, sole proprietor and operator (as well as the county’s most successful stay-at-work mom) doesn’t like being the object of Bob’s complaints, but since he so steadfastly refuses to remember to ask for his bi-weekly paychecks, she has decided not to look a gift Bob in the mouth. “For example, I come from a broken home in which the parents (Travis and Marjorie Johnson) decided not to live with one of their children anymore, and wouldn’t you know it–the one they decided not to live with anymore was me. Now they spend their days playing blackjack in Reno, and composing long bucket lists of stuff they want to do before they die, and every time they come to the end of one list they have to make up a whole other one. Last I heard, they were pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel with items such as:
Spend a fun time and lots of laughs with Paris Hilton before everybody else does
Eat a frozen apple pie covered over with hot melted ice cream
Compose a bucket list of things we don’t want to do before we die
Hire the self-driving Elon Musk to drive us all off a cliff like Thelma and Louise
…
6… 6…. Oh hell, maybe we should just call our estranged son, Bob, and get it over with. If we don’t, we might become more estranged than ever!*
* Editor’s note: would you consider a bucket list a paragraph? If not, how about an Editor’s note? Please answer these questions in twenty five words or less, fold up the words, place them in your purse or wallet, and drive them off a cliff just like Thelma and Louise!
81. Walk barefoot on freshly cut grass —on June 1 to celebrate observance of NO MOW MAY!
Day after day, he does little more than serve as an absent focus for the three paragraph stories of everybody else on the central coast besides himself. And he’s not entirely sure this is a good thing or a bad thing. —“I’m a much more interesting guy than these assembling three paragraph stories seem to suppose,” Bob complained… Rightfully so Bob… you see how quickly he diverted this to his bucket list ideas… maybe I’ll read later, but remember we all kick the 🪣 some sooner, some later…