BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN! 268

268. LORDY LORDY!

268. LORDY LORDY!

Lord Mandelson has been running around San Luis Obispo in his underpants, flying back and forth to England in his underpants, and showing up at the House of Lords in his underpants–not to mention going shopping in his underpants, redacting documents in his underpants, discussing the radical unelectability of Jeremy Corbyn in his underpants, and taking lots of pictures of himself in his underpants while wearing nothing but his underpants and sending them to all his buddies on the internet who, more often than not, are sitting around in their underpants when they laugh at them. “I’m only resigning from the House of Lords in order to express my deep respect for the New Labour Party over which I have been overseeing their noble transformation from an actual political party into a bunch of people who support me running around in my underpants. Also, I’m pretty sure Keir Starmer will be down to nothing but his underpants before too long, at which point he won’t be able to reinstate me as such a prominent member of our wonderful political party filled with people in their underpants! Hip hip hoorah! Write me lots of checks, please! The more money I donate to New Labour–the sooner they let me get back to running around wearing nothing but my official underpants!”

Jeremy Corbyn was approached for comment but refused to strip down to his underpants in order to make a newsworthy reply.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Bob Johnson told his drinking buddy, Dewboy Fairchild, during that brief period of time in which Dewboy had woken up, rearranged his slightly soiled pillow of bar napkins, and lay his head down to sleep again. “I didn’t even know who Lord Mandelson was and now he’s running around San Luis Obispo in his underpants! It doesn’t seem fair. I spent a large part of my life industriously preventing myself from learning anything about any country that exists beyond the Irish Hills and now I have to know about Lord Mandelson, and I sure learned one thing, boy. This guy needs a whole new set of underpants! The pair he’s wearing now are really embarrassing!”