BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN! 265
265. SWEEPING MUSICAL INTRODUCTION. AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.
265. SWEEPING MUSICAL INTRODUCTION. AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.
“And whose life do we search tonight, Tommy?” “We search the life of Scintilla Jones from the little Bavarian town of Mount Wank, Ralph!” “Thanks, Tommy! Do we have your permission to do that, Scintilla? I’ll take that painful clutch of my manly ass as a yes! Well, let’s take you back to the little farm that your father worked as a sharecropper raising cotton, and where your mother, well, we’ll leave your mother out of this. Suffice to say we know a few things about you, girl! Eventually, you went to an all girl school, where grabbing asses was considered Verboten, since it was a German all-girl school where Verboten was actually a word. You earned your teacher’s certificate during the Battle of the Bulge, your school principal certificate during the Battle of Anzio, and eventually, after receiving numerous decorations for bravery in combat where you still managed to grab some manly asses, you met the man (and buttocks) of your dreams when you seduced and married Audie Murphy Cosgrove, the grand-daddy-sire of our city’s disgustingly large bevy of Cosgroves, and began spewing out children, one of which we have right here tonight in the next room! Mystery guest, would you like to introduce yourself?”
“It’s me, Mommy! Do you recognize my gravelly voice? Would you like to buy a protein shake? Are you a libtard? I sure hope not! Are you fooled by lies about school shootings? Let me run that protein shake idea by you again–they’re only $39.99 with this discount voucher, and I sign the protein shake personally! Do you recognize me now, Mommy? It’s your long lost son, Alex! At least I hope I’m lost ‘cause it’s really dark in here, and somebody just told me I owe them a hundred million dollars for lying? What the hell’s that supposed to mean? Since when was lying illegal in these great united states of ours? Is this still your life, Mommy, or is it mine? Help! I want my money back now!”
“you went to an all girl school, where grabbing asses was considered Verboten, since it was a German all-girl school where Verboten was actually a word. You earned your teacher’s certificate during the Battle of the Bulge, your school principal certificate during the Battle of Anzio, and eventually, after receiving numerous decorations for bravery in combat where you still managed to grab some manly asses”
While I can understand Scintilla’s preference for manly asses, I do not think that Verboten (nothing is truly forbidden) would have deterred Scintilla, or the other lasses for that matter, from experimentation with the feminine form (some I’m told prefer that). I doubt Bavaria, verboten or not, is different.