BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN! 263

263. MT. LION LION

263. MT. LION LION

Daisy-Daisy Quite Contrary was the only mountain lion on the central coast who suffered federal taxes being deducted from her monthly paycheck at Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Day-Care for (not so) Troublesome (anymore) Tots out in Reservoir Canyon, the canyon recently voted Most Likely to Lure Your Child into Danger and/or Captivity by a Mountain Lion three years running on the Best of SLO website. This may have had something to do with Daisy’s notorious penchant for making huge sums of money very quickly on the stock market, where she had gained the nickname of Capital Gains Daisy.

“So I just wait for periods of American history when fascism, racism, criminally disproportionate accumulations of wealth, and mindless violence begin driving every federal decision about education, foreign trade, corporate taxation, foreign policy, weapons manufacturing, legal jurisprudence, and did I mention fascism? At times like that I buy everything listed on the Nasdaq, the Nasdack, the Nasdeck, the Steam Deck, whatever that list of blue chip stocks is called, and I make money hand over fist. Then, once the regulators come back and start, you know, enforcing fair-trading laws and whatnot, I sell sell sell. As a result, you’re looking at one very wealthy mountain lion, Scintilla. Now look, you stick those pronouns under your keester where the I.C.E. people won’t be looking, and the cops won’t be looking and uh oh, I’m afraid Marjorie Taylor Greene will be looking! And I think that’s her climbing over that rock over there even as we speak!”

“Stop! Halt! Give me back my pronouns! This country’s going to hell in a handcar and I’ll tell you why! It’s people with pronouns playing high school basketball! And I want to see it stop now!”