BOB JOHNSON RIDES AGAIN!

280. DESAPARACIDOS

280. DESAPARACIDOS

Here are some of the other things that have gone missing in the always desirable, wish-fulfilling land of the central California coast:

Honey Brazil lost her man, Harvey (no relation) Weinstein, who somehow discarded his plastic zip ties and disappeared from his hiding place under the bed–along with the actual bed. Scintilla Jones lost her mobility scooter, and found herself strapped into the back seat of Kit, the AI-driven car, who seemed to be escorting her to a celebrity political fund raiser for Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has recently decided to run for head dog catcher in order to challenge something she was recently told by the red haired librarian after their second pitcher of Margaritas at McClatchey’s. (i.e. “They wouldn’t elect you head dogcatcher in this town, you fuzzy pink faced MAGA freak–however minus the actual MAGA you might pretend to be.”) And the local high school team’s newly adopted basketball star, the remarkably transparent Horst Barbican, has vanished altogether, being as he is, you know, transparent. (“Boo!”) And last but not least, Lord Peter Mandelpants, the most representative exponent of so-called “New Labour (which is probably why they kept bringing him back into the party every time he disgraced it) has now placed himself deep in the heart of everything the local residents would prefer not to see: the so-called Lord has been deprived of his underpants! Oh no!

“He looks like chicken which been put through Osterizer and then sewed back together all wrong,” Monumental Li told her new lover, the self-driving Elon Musk, shortly after she kicked him out of bed and he landed on the floor of her two bedroom condo. “Why not he put on some goddamn pants or something? Is that really the way they run countries in Europe? They need to stop pretending they got democracies and get themselves all a good dictator who only does his dirty business in private and don’t parade it through the state-operated newspapers every day of the week. Now as for you, Elon, baby, for breakfast I want pancakes! And don’t cook them the way my good for nothing husband used to cook them! I want you to make them good!”